7th Annual Austin Bar Crawl

– wadE, Wade, & Alex

Welcome to the 7th Annual Austin Bar Crawl!

If you are unfamiliar with the ABC please check out our previous misadventures from 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, and 2006.

As a faithful reader you may have picked up from the picture above, we were down one drunkard from last year. Dan was unable to attend due to family commitments, which loosely translates into \”his wife was not pleased with him going away for the weekend for a drunkfest while she was home 7 months pregnant\”. Once again we had to press on without Dan, but as usual, it just isn\’t the same without him.

This year\’s story starts off with your four heroes (wadE, Wade, Alex, and Jason) meeting at the famed Sportt\’s Bar & Grill.

Wade had talked a good game in the month leading up the crawl about taking on the Sumo burger once again, but when the time came he couldn\’t bring himself to do it. The All You Can Eat Fish was tempting for him, but Jason described his own experience with the fish last year, and Wade passed on that as well.

I\’m surprisingly ok with my lack of moral fiber when it leads to *not* eating a 16-ounce slab of greasemeat.

I on the other hand held true to my commitment from last year, and took on what Jason referred to as a \”Suicide Sumo\” burger. The \”suicide\” not meaning to ingest the Grade V meat they use, but meaning to put all 20 toppings on the burger. Sadly, the Sportt\’s Bar and Grill website appears to be going though \”new management\” so I\’ll have to list off the toppings from memory; the best part being that although they say 20 toppings on the menu, only 18 are actually listed.

The list was something like: American Cheese, Cheddar Cheese, Swiss Cheese, Mozzarella Cheese, American Bacon (Canadian Bacon was no longer a topping), BBQ, Mayo, Lettuce, Tomatoes, Pickles, Marinara Sauce, Sour Cream, Cocktail Sauce, Black Olives, Jalapenos (cause you know they don\’t know what a tilde is in Austin), Sauerkraut, Raw Onions, Fried Onions, plus the unlisted toppings of Ranch Dressing and Nacho Cheese.

Two bits of good news for me. First, Wade ordered his tiny burger Medium Well, and that made me realize that an extra cooked burger would probably have less grease in it. Second, the liquid toppings all come on the side in little cups (except for the Mayo which comes in a packet, of course). That was good news as it kept the already messy burger somewhat in check.

Tiny burger? Are you trying to overcompensate for something, wadE?

The Burger.

As you can tell the main concern with the meal this year wasn\’t the burger, it was the abnormal amount of fries that came with it. This was about twice as much as usual, and it seemed to be the small fried bits from the bottom of the basket. I was able to polish off the burger relatively quickly. The extra cooking made a world of difference on the grease factor. Only a few drips of grease as opposed to the river of fat running down my arm like last year (although that doesn\’t mean it wasn\’t greasy). The fries took a little longer, but still didn\’t pose the challenge I had initially feared. Afterwards, I felt full, satisfied, but not overfull. As opposed to Alex who had ordered the Chicken Finger dinner which looked to be even more food (and fries) than the Sumo burger.

The wordcount on wadE\’s annual meat allegory for this year? A whopping 428. Still shy of 2003\’s record of 470, but easily besting last year\’s 285. wadE\’s description of his meal is longer than most obituaries.

With our bellies full, we left Sportt\’s; but I couldn\’t help but notice a brochure on the way out for \”Freedom Fest\”.

Now I don\’t even know where to begin with Freedom Fest. One bit of information you won\’t find on the website is that Martin Zellar is apparently going to play in Austin the weekend before the 4th as a late addition to Freedom Fest (read that in the Austin Daily Herald). The 4th of July celebration for much of our growing up was \”Cedar River Days\”, but during our high school years that was supplanted by SPAM Jam. To make a long story longer, the local government felt that Hormel was taking over the 4th of July festivities and kicked Hormel to the curb (this version of the story is slightly different than what you\’ll find on Wikipedia, but you gonna trust them or me? If you go here you\’ll see that the 2005 Spam Jam wasn\’t even held in July, but I digress…).

I thought you were going to tell me that it used to be called \”French Fest.\”

Freedom Fest has apparently become the new name of Austin\’s 4th of July celebration. I am so bummed that we are going to miss it. I\’m not sure which I am more disappointed in missing: the Hambone Blues Jam (picture if you will, a large blacktop parking lot with no shade, and a fenced off area about the side of half a football field where you can sit in the sun and listen to terrible bands starting at noon and going until the sun goes down, which you\’ll never see b/c you\’ll be dead from heatstroke) or the 4th of July parade which the last time I went lasted over 2.5 hours (I left at that point, I can take only so many tractors pulling flatbeds filled with old people waving).

But what about those old dudes in the little tiny cars? I always hope for some horrific accident. Not that anyone would get hurt, mind you. Anyway, I am anti-parade solely due to my fear of clowns. Not sure where that comes from, but it\’s definitely there. Oh, and by the by, the bands haven\’t always been terrible there; I recall seeing some rather entertaining characters there back in 1996. What was their name, anyway? 🙂

Enough about Freedom Fest and the jingoism it entails. Per usual we retired to Jason\’s parent\’s (which parent?) house for video games. However, this year we chose not to hold the normal Bomberman marathon, but opted to play with our Wiis. (ha ha ha… those Wii jokes never get old) The good news is that Wade didn\’t throw his Wii through the giant rear projection TV. The bad news is that we are getting so old that by 11:00 we were all beat (I\’d like to blame that on playing too much Wii Tennis and Bowling) that we decided to call it a night.

Also to be noted: I did not swing so hard during Wii Baseball that I flew ass-over-teakettle into said giant rear-projection TV.

Next morning I awoke to rainy skies. However the forecast promised to clear, so I stumbled out of the house, picked up Alex, and we were on our way to glorious Meadow Greens. I link to Citysearch there mostly for this bit:
The Scene
Sporty, challenging holes on the front nine, despite the short tees. The fairways and greens are always kept in excellent condition. The back nine is very long, so be prepared.

Four Stars are given by the editor who wrote that in-depth description of Meadow Greens.

It was still just the four of us for golf since Matty chose to \”sleep in\” after he had a \”rough week\” at work. At any rate, after hanging out in the clubhouse for twenty minutes or so, the skies started to open up and we headed out. Nothing too dramatic to report on the round. I\’ll let SP\’s golfing analyst, Alex, give you the full report.

How\’d you do sport?

Well I wouldn\’t give the course four stars, for starters. But it\’s not half bad on the front nine. I\’m mostly just disappointed that this was the only golf I played all year. I\’d say we all played a little bit better than our skill levels, though. A pretty good morning of golf for all involved.

Continuing the tradition that Dan started last year, Wade kicked off the bar crawl with the first round of the day. Four yummy cans of Coors Light for $8. Alex makes a comment asking why his mountains aren\’t blue. I ignore him as I am used to non-sensical things coming out of his mouth, but I am now hip to nifty \”gee-whiz\” feature of Coors Light bottles. Last year we discover the miracles of the Frost Blue Liner, this year I discover the genius of the beer ready mountains. I can\’t wait until next year for Coors\’ next innovation!

I\’m hoping they try for \”tasty beer.\”

Next we were off to Wade\’s parent\’s (again, which parent?) house for lunch. Now that the skies have cleared the temps soar into the upper 80\’s. Perfect for eating a lot of food and then going to play some HR derby!

Instead of playing catch this year (and breaking a window), we wisely played some backyard soccer. A much better choice. The grillables and obligatory side dishes were fantastic as always, and per usual, Alex ate too much. (Seriously, next year I might as well just cut and paste the previous year’s article and it wouldn\’t be far off).

I have a problem with restraint, and let\’s face it: Wade\’s mom\’s food makes restraint difficult. And we didn\’t play soccer so much as we kicked a small beach ball. If we\’d been playing soccer we could have easily broken a window.

After lunch we drove to Skunk Hollow only to find kids already occupying the field. I\’d guess they were between 8 and 10, and instead of actually playing baseball they had a giant laundry basket of golf balls and were taking turns tossing up a golf ball and trying to hit them out of the park with a small aluminum bat. At first I was really annoyed that there were kids at \”our\” park doing something that was so incredibly dumb (any bets on whether or not they picked up all of those golf balls afterwards?); but on the other hand at least they were outside doing something athletic instead of sitting inside watching TV or playing video games. With all that being said, we changed gears and drove out to the Bustad edition for HR derby.

I\’d like to make a push for next year\’s HR derby to be a stickball affair. If there is a next year. But I digress. Carry on.

We arrive at Bustad to find nobody…except for a family out past centerfield who seem to be having a picnic. Now playing at Bustad isn\’t completely breaking tradition. We played there in 2004, however this time there aren\’t a gaggle of Hispanics for Jason to terrorize with his long homeruns.

Wouldn\’t it be *an* gaggle of Hispanics?

I forget the exact score, but needless to say Jason won, with me coming in second only because Alex decided to bat left-handed the entire day. It was good to get out and get some \”exercise\” in before heading out for the night. It was then time to head home and shower up for the night. With temps pushing 90, it was going to be another hot and stormy ABC.

6:04 – Welcome to the Diary of the 7th Annual Austin Bar Crawl! We start by hopping into the Anderson family van (those fools!), but Matty can\’t close the door. I\’d like to blame Matty for our late start (over 40 minutes later than last year), but all in all the late start is a good thing. The radio is blasting \”I Like The Way You Move\” by … … the BodyRockers. Apparently an Australian DJ duo. Wade couldn\’t remember at the time, and I bet even if he had all day he wouldn\’t have come up with that one. Nope. Good thing he didn\’t get stuck thinking about that, he would have just sat in the van all night with his head in his hands trying to come up with that name. Yup. As we make our drive out the Mapleview Lounge we mourn the passing of the original Austin Hardees\’ (nee Chinese Family restaurant). Additionally Jason notices a puma on one of the headstones on sale at Anderson (no relation) Memorials.

6:06 РWe relive the story of the infamous Spanish Class pi̱ata from high school in Cristgau Hall.

Infamous? Is that, like, more than famous?

6:10 – Arrive Mapleview Lounge. We opt for the \”5 bottles in a bucket\” deal for $11 bucks. Two things to note. We didn\’t get our beers in a bucket, and Jason opted for High Life in a can. Also notice that they have new T-shirts for sale that say \”The Rock\” on them. I suppose I can see the similarities of the Mapleview Lounge the Alcatraz Prison. They both have held many people with criminal records. They both have urine soaked floors. When you walk in to both and that door slams shut behind you, you can\’t help but cringe a little.

Other similarities include: the amount of tattoos, the small and cell-like structure, and the fact that Morgan Freeman was sitting over in the corner drinking a Brandy Old Fashioned. (One of those things is not true.)

6:28 – Pretty nondescript visit to \”The Rock\”. Best quote so far comes from Alex with: \”I have more fat than muscle this year\”.

Well it\’s not like I typically have much of either, so it\’s always pretty close to a 50/50 affair. But this year\’s a fat year, yes. Meh. Although I believe my point was that I would be able to drink more this year because of that fact. Or get less drunk. Or something.

6:32 – Wade kills a drifter on I-90

He was asking for it.

What is sad is that in the time we\’ve been doing this crawl, those glasses have come back in style

6:38 – Arrive at Twister Lounge. There was some contention on including the Twister this year, but with the decision to skip Smitty\’s (it had just gotten so sad and uncomfortable there, and last year\’s beer was the worst beer I had ever had before going to Danny\’s right afterwards… it just wasn\’t worth it). 5 beers for $14 bucks. The Twins game is on, but for some reason we\’re getting the FOX Milwaukee feed. As usual it\’s pretty quiet at the bowling alley, but there is some guy at the bar, and the bartendress is either high or \”slow\”. Besides the game the place is dead quiet, like a library, but quieter. There were 4 cars in the parking lot, and 3 people inside (do the math). I really wonder what each of those 3 people were doing before we arrived.

The other difference between the Twister and a library is that people in a library can read.

Point of clarification: we got the FOX Mil feed for an inning. I don\’t know why. The rest of the game featured the comedic stylings of Bert and Dick.

6:58 – Arrive Danny\’s. As we get out we are greeted by a dog. Some sort of spaniel mix that is cute and somewhat leery of us. At least Danny doesn\’t have a pit bull that would mistake us for the cops coming to bust his meth lab. We go inside to find the man himself behind the bar. Danny is somewhat reminiscent of Maynard from Pulp Fiction (Zed… Maynard. Spider just caught a couple of flies). Purchased 5 \”bottles\” of beer (*wretch* — sorry… just thought about last years beer) for only $12.50.

I don\’t know if I\’ll ever be able to think of drinking that beer without wanting to retch. Oof.

7:03 – Matty and I have been sticking to Bud, except at the Twister where we each got Bud Select. Matty notes: Bud regular is way better than Bud Select. Sadly, I have to agree with him. Just then the dog joins us in the bar. Nobody let him in the front, nor did Danny move… so I guess the back door to Danny\’s is always open. (insert your own Maynard and/or Gimp joke here)

Bud Select is destined to taste bad, based upon McEwen Corollary #12: You can\’t polish a turd.

7:04 – Jason points out to me who the other patron, sitting at the bar, of Danny\’s is. I\’ll withhold his name, but he graduated with us and was a well known red-headed outcast in our grade. It\’s always interesting to see people we graduated with out at the bars of Austin. I\’m certain he doesn\’t recognize any of us. Which is all for the best, I don\’t feel like having a conversation with him anyway.

7:15 – We realize that Danny has come to terms with his new patrons. Inside the bathroom it is exactly the same as it has been since 2001.

7:24 – It\’s official… Jason is drunk. We arrive at the east side bars. We drop off (and lock) the van. Wade can now embrace irresponsibility.

I\’m so good at that.

7:26 – Arrive Lefty\’s. Bar bill is $11, which includes 4 mixed drinks. Solid liquor value, especially considering the friendly pours. Most of us have officially switched over the mixed drinks. With last year\’s plan of \”taking a bar off\” not working out so well, I had a new plan for this year of drinking something I didn\’t like (namely: Vodka Tonics). The thought was that the typical Whiskey Diet is so yummy and sweet that it\’s hard to not drink one after another after another after… you get the idea. We\’ll see how this goes. In other news: I believe Alex goads Wade into getting popcorn for the table, then notes: \”This popcorn tastes like cigarettes\”.

Makes sense, given that the popcorn had probably been sitting there for two weeks, soaking up the smoke.

I took the opposite tack from wadE, opting for screwdrivers, hoping for additional hydration from the OJ, and trying to remember to order a water along with my drink at least at one out of every three bars. It worked, mostly.

7:30 – Since Dan isn\’t here to do it, Alex and Wade spend 5 bucks each at the pull-tab machine. Win nothing. I think the problem is that they went to the machine. You just can\’t buy pull-tabs from a machine, you need the person there. It\’s just good karma that way.

Case in point: Cheryl Anderson, Pulltab Maid Emeritus, Righty\’s Bar, 1994-1995.

7:32 – We notice a very disturbing couple come in and sit at the bar very near to us. They both appear to be hammered or high already. She looks like a meth addict, and he is so ugly that he\’s not even in a meth addict’s league. They order a drink and she shoves her hand under his butt on the bar stool. Several of us throw up in our mouths.

7:47 – Matty performs magic.

Just so there\’s no uncertainty: That\’s Matty\’s beer can just standing there like that. It was not \”in the act of falling\” or anything like that – it would have remained there indefinitely. I don\’t remember how he did it (I believe he explained it).

7:48 – \”Gym Teacher\” happy hour shows up and sits behind us. One of the ladies starts giving another one a massage. Note: this is not sexy. Jason declares to no one: \”I think I\’m getting drunker\”.

I HOPE I am telling Alex a secret

7:53 – Arrive at Charley\’s. Happy Hour crock-pot is in full effect and contains… BBQ wieners. Round of drinks runs $14, with Matty getting a diet coke.

I don\’t know if I\’ve ever actually laid eyes upon the HHCP. Then again, it\’s the crawl, so I\’m usually trying not to actually look at my surroundings.

8:02 – Jason is done first… again. He is very proud to be the first finisher at each bar so far *golf-clap*. I think he\’s cheating b/c he\’s drinking his drinks through a straw.

8:05 – Jason (to Matty): \”Are you psychosomatic?\” Matty: \”Does that mean I can start fires with my brain?\” Also, Jason kicks Wade in the balls.

Do I invite abuse?

\”Here chicken chicken chicken! Aww, nice little chickie- aaaaugh!\”

8:07 – Backspin discussion ensues… who is going to do it? Alex tries to shame Matty into doing it. Jason suggests a \”double backspin\”.

Wade is as sober as a priest in this photo

8:11 – Arrive Hiawatha… we get drinks and go directly to the Naughty Photo Hunt game. We play a strong few games, but can\’t knock off the top spot. Probably for the best really.

8:42 – Yes… 8:42. We spent a solid half hour drinking and playing photo hunt. You can\’t judge us until you\’ve actually been to the Hiawatha. Anyway, we arrive at Bobee Jo\’s. We are carded, for the 4th time on the east side… most… carding… ever! They must have recently done a sting on the east side bars. The crowd at Bobee Jo\’s is old, drunk, and surly. Local Austin celeb Fonzie is on the house! We settle in at the front table and listen to the renowned Robin Breeze Band. Or at least a band with Robin Breeze playing bass.

Robin is a bit of a celebrity in the Austin music scene. There was a time that he and his band would be playing every weekend. This was, of course, Austin turned stupid and went from four bars featuring live music to one. Bah.

Oh, and I\’m fairly sure Jason\’s dad was playing lead guitar.

8:55 – Jason: \”Goddammit Al\”, which has become the catchphrase of the evening. In this case it is justified as Alex has just sung the Wheel Of Fortune theme song and it\’s now stuck in Jason\’s head (and probably yours too… Goddammit Al!).

You\’re welcome. (Oh, and I hope the fact that it\’s in MIDI makes it violently worse.)

9:18 – We leave Bobee Jo’s to head downtown and step out into green skies and gale force winds. We decide to maybe have another drink and wait out the passing storm. This effectively kills our plan to have pizza at Godfather’s instead of the usual Taco John’s stop.

9:48 – The skies still look a bit scary, but the rain hasn’t come yet. We decide to risk it and high tail it through downtown. Along the way we notice that Trader’s is closed down. If Austin can’t support crummy bars, what can it support?

10:00 – Arrive Taco John’s. We grab some food just as the skies open up.

10:20 – We’re done eating, but it is still raining out. We hem and haw about running through the rain, but decide to give Wade’s mom a call to pick us up. Alex and Jason can’t wait that long and decide to run through the rain.

The Anderson taxi runs 24×7. Reasonable rates. Friendly drivers

I would merely like to point out that you called Wade\’s parents for a four-block (and we\’re talking short Austin blocks) ride because it was raining. You must all be made of sugar.

10:45 – Wade’s mom and dad drop Wade, Matty, and I off at Mickey’s. Since this is a bit later in the evening than our usual foray into downtown Mickey’s is already hoppin’. Sticking to my plan I order a vodka tonic. Now what I got could in no way be described as a vodka tonic. It tasted as though they had found a way to distill a skunk into a clear liquid. To that they add tonic that had been sitting on a shelf in the back room since 1973. It was the second worse cocktail I have ever had. The first being a burnt chicken (Wild Turkey and Tabasco). Granted that this is our 7th bar crawl, but the crowd at Mickey’s is decidedly young… and not attractive. There is one good looking woman in the whole place, and she is so skinny you have to assume she’s on Meth. Matty decides to order a pizza, which I think is an ABC first. Way to break the seal on ordering frozen pizza at the bar Matty! I sit with Matty while he finishes his pizza, and also to give me more time to try and choke down my drink. By the time Matty finished I had drank less than half. I decided to call it quits and left the drink behind. Matty and I head out to try and catch up with the rest of the group.

I will attest. wadE\’s drink was vile.

11:25 – Matty and I blow in the front door of The Bakery. All the lights are off in the front half of the bar, and it smells VERY strongly of urine. As we make our way through the dark to back half of the bar there are only a handful of people in the place (including the bartendress). None of them are Wade, Jason, or Alex. We continue through and blow out the back door of the bar as the bartendress yells something at us. I yell back that we’ll be back later.

11:26 – Matty and I arrive at Rube’s… er, Paradise Island. Find the group at the front of the bar. I order a Screwdriver. I need something to get the taste of stale tonic and death out of my mouth. Jason spies some possible talent on the stage and talks me into take a seat in sniffer’s row. Once we sat down we knew Jason had made a mistake on this mission. The woman was frightening thin (again, you can’t help but think she’s probably on Meth). She was covered in tattoos. Not head to toe, but no major area of the body was not inked. Both calves, both thighs, lower back, upper back, back of next, both forearms, both biceps, both shoulders, stomach, and above each breast. Not to appear rude Jason slaps down a couple bucks and throws one in front of me as well. She saunters on over and picks up Jason’s first dollar. She has him stand up, she dips her hand into Jason’s drink wipes it on his forehead, slaps the dollar bill off, and tries to remove it with her breasts. I say try because since she is so thin there really aren’t any breasts to speak of and Jason was a bit hesitant to lean in enough for her to get it. She then took the other dollar bill and put it in Jason’s mouth. She then pulled open the front of her panties and had Jason put the dollar in there. Next she moved on to me. She grabs the dollar in front of me and picks up my drink. She asks me what I’m drinking and has a sip. She then took my glass and tips it up and presses it hard against her nipple so it’s a tight seal. She then stared to gyrate the glass around as to stir it up with her boob. It was a strange and bizarre sight. She then set the glass back down in front of me. Now I’ve got no idea what to do. I certainly do not want to take a drink from that glass, but it is never a good idea to insult a stripper. So I take a mock drink. Set it back down, and make the motion to Jason that it’s time to move on. As we walk out Jason tells me that when he put the dollar down the front of the stripper’s thong, he saw that she had a tattoo over her va-jay-jay of a flaming swastika. I have no idea what to say about that.

Va-jay-jay?

11:45 – Jason and I blow into Margaritaville… er, The Ville, to find Wade, Matty, and Alex. No dice. We blow back out.

11:46 – We move on to The Brown Derby, er, Showgirl Saloon. We stand out front debating whether or not to go in. As we are standing there a very sassy young lady walks by with a guy who is at least 20 years older. Looking at her, and then him… this definitely did not make sense. So we decide to follow them to Thirsty’s instead.

11:48 – Arrive Thirsty’s. No Wade, Matty, or Alex. We watch the strange couple for a bit. Still not sure if they are dating, or if it’s her dad. The debate goes on for a couple of minutes, but we decide we’d rather find the rest of the guys instead.

11:50 – Since we’re over on this side of downtown we figure we better check Showgirl Saloon. We walk in, look around, see the “talent”, don’t see our guys, turnaround, and walk back out. There was a time when you could count on the Derby to have at least one young woman who was moderately attractive. Apparently those days are long gone. Just sad.

11:53 – Now having visited all the bars, we deduce that the guys must be back at Mickey’s. We find them and have another drink.

Found me! I like Mickey\’s. There are actually, like, people there, even though I\’m afraid of most of them. And the music they play is reasonable, relatively speaking.

12:00 – At some point in and around midnight we found ourselves at the Ville. Alex was basically bored at this point and had enough of Austin for one year. He made the executive decision to head home early. Jason and Wade wanted to go back to Mickey’s. Matty and I were looking for something a bit more low-key. So the group split up. Alex – Home, Wade & Jason – Mickey’s, Matty & wadE – The Bakery.

12:02 – Arrive at the Bakery. Matty and I hold our breath as we walk through the front part of the bar. We belly up to the bar in the back where it doesn’t smell so bad and order some drinks. We just hung out and chatted, taking in the calmer scene at the Bakery. Then the young girl and old man from earlier in the night showed up and sat across from us. I told Matty how Jason and I had saw them earlier and just couldn’t figure it out. It was very strange. She looked embarrassed to be out with the guy, but definitely was not a father-daughter relationship there. I then made the assumption that she must be a hooker. It was the only thing that made sense. But then another girl showed up, not as attractive, but dressed just as sassy. The first girl all but ignored the guy and chatted with her friend. Not what you would expect from a hooker, but then again, what guy takes his hooker out to the bars? A bit later a couple other friends showed up, not as scantily clad or attractive. My new thought was this guy was the pimp, and the two slutty girls were his bitches. However, if that was the case he was a terrible pimp because his girls weren’t talking with any over the dozen or so men in the place. For the life of me I’ll never figure this one out.

12:55 – Wade and Jason show up at the Bakery. Wade is noticeably drunker than he was an hour ago. How did that happen? We make the decision to head home. Wade splits off from us on the way to sleep at his parents house, which worked out for the best since now no one had to split a bed.

This is supposed to be the spot where Wade tells us about his yearly trip to Apollo to buy a frozen pizza that will never make it to the pre-heated oven before he passes out. Did that tradition die this year?

The next morning was worse then I expected. Still a thousand times better than last year, but with the drink of death that I didn’t finish at Mickey’s, the drink I never had at Rube’s because the stripper befouled it, and the wandering around Jason and I did looking for everyone; I hadn’t drank all the much downtown. By the time I got home that night I didn’t feel very drunk at all. At any rate I was feeling well enough to get up and start making breakfast. I gave Alex a call to see when we could expect him, and then Wade. Wade didn’t sound very good, but I tempted him with yummy breakfast and the promise that he wouldn’t have to break up a fight between my parents.

When you need to motivate me to get moving, you can do worse than bribing me with grease.

Alex showed up relatively quickly, however, Wade was a bit later, and looking pretty ragged. It was finally Wade’s turn to have the monster hangover. At one point in the morning he turned to seemingly no one and said, “I feel like I have Lou Gehrig’s disease”.

Even with Wade on death’s door we were able to get some breakfast in us and out on the road at a decent time. Another successful Austin Bar Crawl, if by success you mean that no one died. Although we all had a good time, we still can’t shake the feeling that we’ve done this all before and there is nothing left to discover. I don’t know if there will be an 8th Annual ABC, but I wouldn’t count us out.

Me neither. We\’re dumb. We\’ll be back.

We\’ll see.

Once again I’d like to thank Wade\’s parents for feeding us, and picking us up in the rain. I’d also like to thank Jason\’s parents for not being around so we could be loud and play with our Wiis (wait). And finally to my parents for putting up with us once again and for behaving themselves for the second year in a row! As with the last two years I will be closing this article with a question mark on next year. But more than likely we’ll be in for another installment. If not a full crawl, there will be some form of jackassery we will find in Austin, and we’ll be back to tell the story. See you next year!!!